Okay, it’s a lame title for this blog, but it’s as close to civil as I could muster. For the past several weeks, I have come across instance after instance when women’s safety was being sacrificed by men for men, whether it’s by law enforcement not protecting women or by men actively touting an agenda that gives the advantage to male criminals and fails to protect victims. Some of these people are law enforcement or justice system people in the media, some are bloggers on a local crime blog, and one I considered a good friend until I found out just how far to one side his pendulum swung on the side of protecting men from prosecution by advocating we adhere to original forms of laws that were written back when women weren’t allowed to vote or work for pay and wife beating was completely accepted as a man’s right. That one was a heartbreaker, and I don’t even know what to say to him anymore, so I don’t.
I guess it’s coincidental that the local and the personal news happens to correspond with huge celebrity abuse sagas like those of Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen, one of whom we already know won’t do one day in jail after threatening to have his wife killed by a cop and holding a knife to her throat for 15 minutes.
It’s no better in my local news, as I’ve outlined in other blogs below, and I haven’t even written about the latest one because I’ve really just been too upset about it to do so, plus it involves a Dallas Police Chief David Brown, who only recently lost his son (see blog below with “Aberration” in the title) and I hate to harp on someone who is dealing with personal tragedy.
However, the police chief recently made comments during an interview on camera wherin he was being asked about new figures showing an upward trend in rape in Dallas. His proposed solution to address the problem was to talk to women about not drinking so much and not going on dates alone with a man. He now says of course he didn’t mean to infer that most rapes could be avoided if women simply wouldn’t go out and drink and date so much, but because his statement was completely devoid of any proposed plans to reign in the rapists themselves or indeed any reference to men, whether he’d like to take that statement back now or not, that is the message he sent — to which a lot of women responded, Hey, why don’t you tell the MEN not to go out drinking and not to be alone with a woman? Why don’t you suggest to the MEN that maybe if they’re not SURE whether a woman has had too much to drink to be thinking straight, that they get her home safely and wait until she’s AWAKE before having sex with her? Why don’t you counsel MEN in clubs not to start moving in like pack animals when they see a woman start to teeter and then compete with each other to see who can guide her out the door into their car first? You cannot blame a rape trend on the victims!
You’d think this would be a no brainer that everyone could agree on, but apparently there are a lot of immature men out there who think “rape” equals a woman who changed her mind. I can accept that some guys are too immature to know everything yet, but what I cannot accept is that a man can go through police academy and rise to the top of his profession without having any concept about how many different kinds of rape there are, how many different types of rapists, and that they’re not all borne of opportunity, that rape ISN’T EVEN ABOUT SEX, it’s about power and control, that many rapists don’t WANT consent, they want rape, and that every date rape is different and can cover the gumut of types and is still rape.
My advice is that the police chief, once he’s had time to deal with his personal tragedy and get himself on an even keel, read some books and educate himself, because I don’t think he’s an evil man. I just don’t see how he got to where he got without learning all the different types and motivations for rape and understanding the subject that is so central to his job. It scares me to think that we place ourselves in the hands of policemen and judicial authorities who have little or no understanding of the crimes they are enforcing and adjudicating. I’m beyond frightened about it. I’m appalled by it, angry about it.
I had one guy on a blog say it can’t all be about the mind of the rapist because then how would gang rapes ever happen. Jesus. Like if everyone is doing it, it can’t be wrong! I can only imagine these are guys whose self-esteem is so low that rather than looking like a wimp, they’d follow the leader over the edge of a cliff.
These people who are trying to justify “date rape” as if it’s in a category all by itself and is nothing serious need to take a good long look at themselves. Seriously, if you’re waiting for a woman to pass out before you can have sex with her, if you’re thinking “I’ll wait until she’s asleep and she will hardly notice if I just slip it in,” Freud had words for you, and those words are “inadequate” and/or “necrophiliac.” So if that is really how you think sex is supposed to be, get yourself into therapy before some trusting but feisty girl wakes up with you raping her and you discover that maybe she’s not so far gone she can’t make it to the kitchen and back with the frying pan.
Recommended: Robert L. Snow “Stopping a Stalker” includes a description of the many different types of rapists, their motivations and psychopathy.